As many of you may know, I've been struggling with taking too many legally prescribed narcotics for chronic pain. I've been struggling for 2 years. I tried everything and failed. When I stopped trying to fix my problem and surrendered it to Him, that's when things began to change. Now, I wasn't particularly happy at HOW He chose to do it at the time, I now see how He knew what had to happen to bring this under control. He didn't take them from me entirely because taking medications responsibly, no matter what it is, is not a sin. Abuse is. I can blame it on the doctors who over-prescribed, the pharmacists who kept filling it, my husband for being a "jerk" and the "oh woe is me" pity party I threw for myself everyday. The only one to blame is me. Nobody forced me to swallow all those pills.
I'm not going to go into how He worked it out with me because it may not be His plans for you IF your struggle is the same as mine. My advice is to stop trying to quit. Yep, you heard me. Let HIM do it. Surrender it to Him, then things will start to change. It may be very painful at first but He knows best.
I'm going to leave you with this. I went from 10 10-mg pills per day down to 2-3 at the most per day. I just went 9 days without a pill and while I was unable to enjoy being online, watching TV (I hate TV), read it wasn't because I was withdrawing, I was so bored and cranky. That's all the withdrawal I experienced, that and a wee bit of back pain (the main reason I'm on them) and rebound headaches, I had no w/d. I cannot believe how easy it really was. I just couldn't concentrate. I had some minor cravings but I'm simply in awe of just how easy it was. So, while I may need them every day, I don't think I will. I feel the bonds of addiction breaking. I took one tonight and got so sick I almost flushed the whole bottle down the toilet. I can do just fine on 1/2 pill so that's what I'm going to do first. It may be some days I need a full pill but I don't feel like a slave to them anymore. They're not my "idol." Finally, God is before the pills. He really always was but the drug owned me. When people say satan isn't real, I laugh in their face and say then you don't have a clue just how real he is. I am FREE in Christ Jesus now. They're still so blinded and in bonds and chains to the sin in their life which leads to nowhere but desolation, depression, and always in search of their next fix, be it drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc.
Yes, the pills still want to be in control and some days they may be but I'm trusting Jesus Christ to keep finishing the good works He's begun in me and to keep me from abusing them again. The fact is, I'm on such a tight leash I have a choice...I take them responsibly and don't have to go through 1 day of misery or I can take them all in a week and be miserable for 3. Last month I ran out 2 weeks early. This last, it was one day and a week and that is remarkable! That's REAL progress.
I am not in anyway proud of confessing this and it's a bit embarrassing but we all sin and fall short every single day of God's favor. We are fallible, imperfect and sinful men but God loves us. He will deliver you. Don't fall for the line "If you trusted Jesus enough you'd be healed instantly." Who is man to tell you how HE is going to heal you? Let God be true and every man a liar. People who claim to be healed instantly of extreme drug abuse either have forgotten it or weren't addicted to begin with. Now maybe God has healed some instantly. I don't know but He didn't do it that way with me. It wasn't easy but it wasn't hard either after the first 6 weeks. That was NO fun but had it not happened, I'd still be eating them like candy. Now I can be both pain-free and free from addiction. Frankly, if I have to take one tomorrow and I get as sick as I did when I took one tonight, I don't think I can take another one. I got so sick I thought I was gonna die. One pill made me that sick. I was taking 10 and that wasn't enough.
I have to be careful and put Him first each day, each hour, each minute. I'm going to read my Bible and pray before I take a pill. I'm relying and trusting Him, not me. If not, I'll be abusing them in 2 days. I have to be careful. If I need one, I'm breaking it in half. I'm going to trust Him not myself. I can't do it. Please pray for me. I'm not pill-free but I do believe the physical and emotional addiction is breaking. It may happen this month or in 6 months but I see the light and it's Jesus Christ and not the train at the end of the tunnel I saw before.
Whatever your sin, I encourage you to share your story and if you need our help, don't be ashamed. We are with you. If drugs are your issue, regardless of how you get them, what you take or why, and you want God more than the pills but feel torn, I will do anything you need to help you through this. Yes, I'll pray for you but I will do more. If you're 5 miles from me or 500, I'll sit up all night on the phone with you, share my story, encourage, pray with you, cry with you, whatever you need. I will give you my phone number. I will do anything but enable you. I love you too much. I am not making plans but taking it "one day at a time, sweet Jesus, that's all I'm asking of you." I love that song. I'm not a doctor, health care professional and will not give you medical advice other than tips that helped me. It is not going to be easy. If it was, what would keep you from repeating the pattern? God is merciful but He knows what you need and sometimes it's a little bit of discipline to learn. He hasn't forsaken you, He's working in you and not babysitting you. You can email me privately at WorthyistheLamb737@yahoo.com and put I need help in the subject line. I will never share anything you say. Feel free to pass this to others who may need this information. Recovering addicts helping others get clean is a good thing because we know and most who don't struggle with addiction have no clue what it's like for us. Judge not, you don't know what led to it.
God bless and pray for everyone because we all have sins or addictions to overcome. There's no difference between drug addicts and porn addicts. Don't justify sin by comparing it to other sins. It doesn't work. I love you all in Christ Jesus.
At this point, I am not planning to start an addiction blog but I do plan to in the future. However, I need some help by other addicts (regardless of the addiction) to help. So, I do plan to post some of the things I've gone through on this blog that applies not only to the Christian but to anyone. Maybe this will led someone to faith in Christ Jesus, we just don't know. I also don't know how you will feel about what I've said but unless the comments are positive, encouraging, or sharing your story, any negative, judgmental comment will be deleted and mostly unread. Remove the board out of your own eye first and correct in brotherly love. Otherwise, you will do so much harm. Oh, and just to let everyone know, you're one accident away from being a druggie yourself. Never say I'll never be a drug addict as you have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Also, don't be ashamed no matter where you are in your recovery. Full blown addict or recovering, doesn't matter. I am here for you.
MUCH MUCH LOVE IN CHRIST JESUS!
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