MY TESTIMONY
I want to share a story with you. I am worthless. I am a nobody. I have nothing to give. I'm a liar, thief, adultress, you name it. If it's part of His commandments, I'm sure in some way I've broken them all. I am a sinner. Why, Lord, why ME? I have nothing. I am nothing. All I have is an unshakable love for you. I met you 54 years ago and I fell in love with you. I gave you my heart at 6 but couldn't make if "official" until 12. I learned all I need to know from my grandmother. She wasn't well educated but she sure knew You. She couldn't tell me what many verses meant but she sure could make it simple. "Brenda, if you want to know if you're doing something wrong, ask yourself if Jesus came right that minute, would you be ashamed or proud of Him catching you doing that." Well, I didn't always do it BUT I always remembered it. I tried to pass that down to my children but well, I doubt they believe in You, Lord. That is my fault. But You heard my call and I heard You! I knew that voice. I hadn't heard it too many times but once is enough.
I weighed 80 lbs and couldn't walk. I was in a depression so deep and had fought...and lost...the biggest battle anyone should ever have to fight. To say our government is corrupt is an understatement. I tried to stay strong, Lord, I did. I had to for David's sake. I was all He had in this world. I managed to for 5 years but depression overtook me and I no longer cared. I just wanted to die so I rededicated my life to you, knowing I would die soon. I wouldn't eat. I lived on Xanax. I took as much as I could to never stay awake for more than an hour. I stared at the TV and felt nothing.
One day, I had to get up, no choice, and I heard a voice so clear I thought it was David. It said "Brenda! If you do not get out of that bed today and walk, you will die in that bed." I thought David told me that. It was THAT clear. He didn't say a word but someone did. It was not in my head. In fact, I could tell you exactly where You were standing. I KNEW YOUR VOICE. In fact, I couldn't walk to the bathroom but I believed You. I put on my shoes. I asked you how far and You said, it doesn't matter, walk. Remember, whoever reads this (if anyone does), I couldn't walk to the bathroom. I walked outside...not far but I knew it was far enough. Instantly, I felt different.
Two weeks later, I'd gained 20 plus pounds, was walking and out of my drug-induced "coma." I went to a church. I met a friend. And while ultimately, it wouldn't become my church as You had better plans, it was the beginning of an amazing journey! I wish it was pure bliss, no problems, no trials or tribulations. I wish I could say I've led many to You. I wish! I wish! I wish! I don't have to wish. I have You. I have prayer and prayer IS the most powerful tool we have. I may have forsaken you all those years but you never forgot the prayer of 6 year old me. You were always there. I heard you try to lead me back to You and I'm sorry I didn't listen. You wrote me a love letter and while I don't understand it all (GRACE - I DON'T HAVE TO), I know you love me, died for me, and saved me! I am a sinner in need of a Savior. I need reminders of that now and then!
Thank you, Christ Jesus! You've bless and chastise me, but I like that best. All good fathers disciple their children. I didn't have that growing up. I never felt loved. I never even had a father. Thank you for loving me! I love YOU too.
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