MY UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL ENCOUNTER WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT

I have been in a deep depression for a month and it was so bad I thought it was never going to end but it was caused by a mistake, not a dangerous one as in life-threatening, but read my poorly written story as I was in a hurry but Jesus Christ literally healed me by showing me what was causing it.  However, mine was caused by a taking too high of a dosage of Xanax, a very dangerous drug and easily abused, but one I must take for neuropathy so that I don't break my foot and/or ankle again or have a dropped wrist, which would make me lose use of my hand and arm (either side OR possibly both) but it is not a drug to be taken unless absolutely necessary and always at the lowest possible dosage.  It's effective but addictive.  I need very, very little (1/4 pill and then 1/2 pill at night) because more than that takes away your emotions.  You have no empathy and you feel almost robotic and what emotions you do have are very negative.  In fact, my doctor and I talked about it and we both feel as if I can go on a much weaker drug of the same class but is much less addictive and will be just as effective.  I was put on it when I was diagnosed with severe PTSD and we found it worked for the bulging disk and nerve (not anxiety) that caused me to lose feeling in my wrists.  I have lost about half the nerves in my fingers.  I make a lot of typos.  NEVER EVER EVER change your dose of any medication, especially one of this class (benzos) without the care of a physician.  It can be life-threatening and is not something you can quit cold turkey.  It's not like narcotics and the withdrawals can kill you!  It causes grand mal seizures, strokes, even heart attacks.  I was able to come down quickly because I hadn't been on that high of a dose but for a few weeks.  

Medications are not a sin, no matter what they are so long as you do not buy them illegally and do not abuse them.  You may be physically dependent on them but there is a BIG difference in physical dependence and a drug abuser.  I know some people are anti-medication but the Bible is not.  Even one of Jesus Christ's closest companions, Luke, was a physician.  He said, "those who are not sick or in no need of a physician."  Yes, He was talking about Spirituality but He also meant it physically.  Just like alcohol is allowed in the Bible (Paul told Timothy to drink wine for his stomach problems), medication is not forbidden either.  Also, think about it like this, all drugs are discovered in nature.  God created all things and He said it was "good."  He created these plants because He knew we would need them.  We are to ease suffering and pain.  No one would refuse to give their loved one much needed medications, especially after surgery or if one had painful illnesses.  I am one who is very much in favor of the legalization of medicinal marijuana.  It is very healing.  These are my personal opinions but what may be right for me may be wrong for you.  Although I personally hate the taste of anything alcoholic, I could drink a glass of wine or mixed drink and be fine but for someone else, they may be a recovering alcoholic.  God cares about us and doesn't expect us to suffer needlessly.  His Son did that on Calvary so we don't have to.  Christ Jesus did NOT die in vain.  

Forgive the hurried and poorly written encounter but our God is an awesome God...the only Living God, our Creator, our Saviour, our Everything.  I'm just in a PRAISE HIM mood tonight and want to share this story!  God bless and spread the Gospel in First Corinthians 15:1-4!

I'd like to share a story to share the glory of God and praise His Holy Name.  First though, and forgive the length, I had decided to never again go to any church.  I watched online sermons and although I will continue to do this and fellowship with you (and that won't ever stop either) and have been at peace with this.  I'd pray about it but I never felt led to go to any church.  I'd asked around and was told to stop looking, there aren't any.  Either they don't preach the truth or they have compromised the Word of God by allowing gay marriage and other things.  Make no mistake, I hope and pray that gays go to church and should be welcome and not judged but I do have issues with any church that condones or participates in them.  You cannot serve God and man.  

However, after I was "healed" and every ounce of depression, fear, etc. was gone (it was so bad I had become agoraphobic, which is a fear of leaving your home, even to walk outside), I felt this desperate desire to go to church.  I immediately prayed about this because you don't know my history and just how messed up a cult had made me.  Not a cult exactly but definitely not one that preaches the true Gospel and tells you if you don't do something, you don't have the Holy Spirit.  It caused me such mental agony for over a year that because I couldn't do that thing, I felt that God had found me unworthy to be saved.  I refused to give up.  I was raised in the Word of God but even though I knew the truth, these false churches can do a lot of damage and may cause many to actually walk away from God.  This scares me.  A great man on one of my groups worked with me to get these 2 false churches that snared me out of my head and I promised that that would not happen again.  I would never again go to a church.  So I did what I do not like doing and asked God for a sign.  I don't do that.  But I did it anyway, and there was 1 left so I thought maybe that was where He would want me but I want to go where He wants me, not where I want to be.  

Well, I got out of the house today and for the first time in a while, I had a great time.  As a thank you to the employees of my pharmacy who without going into details, went to bat for me, stood up for me, and treat me like people ought to treat others.  In fact, they're extra nice to me.  I bought them a pizza.  They're always busy and when I left, I stopped at the front counter and told the cashier, a nice gentleman, to go grab a slice.  He, another man and I got to talking and they asked me why I did that and I told them because they went up against someone and they both said....we know exactly who you are talking about.  Now, remember, I don't like asking for signs but I did but I didn't expect this...

The older man looked at me, found out we live 2 buildings apart, and he said...YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A CHURCH.  He handed me a card...a literal "sign" and said he wanted me to come and help them with community outreach.  He did not know my faith.  I had only said hello and a few other things but I'd never mentioned God to him.  How did he know?  He didn't ask...it was a statement.  I knew right then he was filled with the Holy Spirit because how else would he have known?  Our God is an awesome God!  The only Living God.  Jehovah, YWVY, Yahwey, Creator, the Great I AM, no matter what you call Our Father who art in Heaven, He hears our prayers.

If I had not listened to that real quick voice that told me to go buy that pizza, this would not have occurred.  A pizza of all things.  "But as we know, ALL things work to the good, to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes."  Romans 8:28.  But the enemy hates it above all things when we obey the Spirit and will hurt you.  He put a stumblingblock in my path but I went around it and at the same time, stood up for the employees he was calling names and attacking me too.  Don't let this bother you.  The enemy (satan) only has as much power over you as you allow him to have.  So even if the Spirit leads you, tells you or shows you what to do and it makes no sense, just do it.  You may or may not feel good about it, you may even resent it or be bothered but maybe, just maybe, that blessing wasn't meant for YOU but for the person you did it for.  

I don't know about you but I love God's lessons.  They tell me He loves me and is bringing me into a closer and more holy relationship with Him.  We don't deserve one single blessing and we through that word around, oh, I was blessed today.  God blessed me with this or that and that's awesome!  He does that because He loves us, not because we earned them.  The lessons though, now that's LOVE!  Be blessed but also be rebuked and chastised cos that's what good fathers do and we have the greatest Father of all!  

Much, much love in Christ Jesus!