LITTLE LATE ON YOUR MEDICINE...PHARMACY WAS CLOSED SO OPEN WIDE AND LAUGH!

WRONG ADDRESS....

A couple decided to go to Cyprus for the weekend, but because they both worked it was Hard to coordinate their diaries. So they decided the husband would go a day early, and his wife would join him the following day. On arriving, the husband thought he would email his wife from his laptop, but he accidentally mistyped her email address and sent it off without realising.      

A widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends, but instead found this:      

To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
     
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. (P.S. Sure is hot down here!)

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THE END IS NEAR....

Farmers Fred and Luke were fishing on the side of the road. They made a sign saying "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!," and showed it to each passing car. 
      
One driver that passed didn't appreciate the sign and shouted, "Leave us alone you religious nuts!"
      
All of a sudden they heard a big splash.
      
Fred grinned at Luke. "Do you think we should just put up a sign that says: 'Bridge Out' instead?"

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A fire started in the grasslands close to a farm. The county fire department rushed to the scene, but the fire was more than they could handle. Someone suggested calling the volunteer fire department. Despite some doubt that they would be of any assistance, they were called.
      
The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames and stopped! The firefighters jumped from the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the centre of the fire and leaving two parts which were easily put out.
      
As the farmer watched all this, he was impressed and grateful that his house and farm had been spared. He quickly got his chequebook and donated $1000 to the volunteer fire department.
      
A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain how they planned to use the funds.
      
The captain replied, "The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes on our fire truck fixed!"